Self Affirmations

I've always been a really sporatic notebook person. I'll go a couple months dilligently scratching away thoughts, ideas, and even dreams into Muji notebooks. Then I'd get a little lazy, or distracted by some new digital notebook app on my iPad, and put the notebook down.

But something I've realized over time is that there is a mysterious power that writing in a notebook gives a creative person. I've come across passages in my oldest notebooks from shortly after design school, where I would write down jot notes of some of my biggest dreams. For example, at 21, I wanted nothing more than to write articles for Ominocity, an indie Saskatoon based arts and culture site. (Note: this goal was achieved.) But then when I find those pages at age 28, seven years later, I realize I've grown into a designer who's done things and learned skills that 23 year old Gary didn't even realize he was capable of.

So, that brings us to today: I was flipping through one of my old notebooks and came across this page from October of 2019, which is pretty much exactly a year ago.

Though I don't exactly remember writing this, I do remember that time in my life. I was going through a lot of stress because I was getting ready to move from Saskatoon to Vancouver in a couple of months. I was 27, and had never moved out of the province before.

Frankly, I was scared. Really really scared. I knew I would have to give up some of my old comforts if I was going to compete in Vancouver as a designer.

Reading this now, I can remember how I felt at that time. I could feel that personally 2020 was going to be a hard year, and that I needed to mentally prepare and get real with myself, and even hype myself up a little. Of course I had no idea just how hard this year would be for everyone.

In the last year, I've made progress with my relationship with alchol and weed. I fell back in love with design, and the internet again (hello, reader), and I've started working with an incredible agency doing work that I really believe in.

2020 has been one of the hardest years of my life so far, but I'm doing okay. And I have this page in an old notebook to thank.